i wish you were here
by Misoka-san
Summary: He wanted to stay like this, lost in his thoughts. He doesn't feel lonely. He could just close his eyes and think of him. Bucky.


It's been two days since the train accident, two days since he saw the person he cared for the most, fall. Fall from his grip. He tried to drink it all away, but it was impossible, whatever the serum had done to him he just couldn't get drunk. He hated it. He wanted to forget. He wanted to turn back time and set everything right.

Peggy would try to comfort him, she would give him a genuine smile that said 'don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault.' or just hold his hand in silence. He liked her company, it helped, a little.

"Steve, you should rest." Peggy said and held his hand. She knew how hard it is to lose a soldier in battle, but this situation was completely different. "Steve."  
All Steve could do was nod, and continue to stare at nothing. Peggy sighed. "Steve, please. Bucky wouldn't want you to bring yourself down." She automatically regretted saying that when she saw him flinch. "Steve... I'm sorry.. I shouldn-"

"It's fine Peggy." He says, trying to smile. "You're right though. Ill go get some rest. You should too." He stood up and kissed her forehead before disappearing into his tent.

Peggy watched the tall blond slowly walk away before letting out another sigh. She looked at Steve's tent and then at the sky. "He misses you so much James. We all miss you."

#

"Steve!"

The familiar voice wakes him up.

"Steve!"

"Bucky?" But how?

"Steve! Steve!"

Steve bolts up and listens again for the voice, Bucky? Bucky's alive? He ran out of his tent. The night was clear and everyone was already asleep.

"Steve!" There is was again.

He wandered around the camp in his bare feet. _Bucky were are you? _He stepped in front of a tent and opened it.

"STEVE! HELP!" Bucky was hanging from the train edge, his grip failing as each second passed by. He was screaming, looking into Steve's eyes, afraid.

"Bucky!" Steve ran to grab his hand, but it was too late. He watched his best friend fall and disappear into the pure snow.

"BUCKY!"

#

Steve wakes up screaming, sweat rolling down his forehead. He hated it. He starts to cry, chocking on sobs that he tried to keep in the past few days.  
If only he saved him, if only he grabbed his hand. He felt like it was all his fault, and he was to blame. How can he ever forgive himself? He wanted to continue screaming till his lungs get weak. He grabbed a shirt and headed outside for some air.

It was probably midnight or something but Steve didn't care. He wanted the world to stop spinning for a moment and let him think. He stares at the sky. He couldn't help but remember the days when he would wake up from a nightmare and Bucky would be there to calm him down and tell him that 'it was just a dream.' Most times when it happened they wouldn't be able to fall asleep, and so they would just talk to each other in whispers and count as many stars as they can, until one of them eventually does. He smiles at the memory.

The night was calm, just the wind and the sound of the crickets. He breathed in the cold air and closed his eyes. "Come back Bucky."

"Why would I ever leave you punk?" Bucky laughs and lace his fingers around Steve's. "honestly, what would you be without me?" He whispered in his ear and rested his head on Steve's shoulder.

Steve scoffed and opened his eyes. "Broken." He looked at his empty hand and smiled. He stayed up, thinking about Bucky. With every blink he recalled all the times they've spent together. The first time they met, the day the became best friends, their first kiss, their first date, when Bucky left for the army, the day Steve had the serum. He remembered laughing at Bucky's expression when finally he saw properly.

He wanted to stay like this, lost in his thoughts. He doesn't feel lonely. He could just close his eyes and think of him.

_Bucky._

* * *

**A.N.  
while studying for my midterm exam I got inspired by Owl City's song Vanilla Twilight.  
Creative criticism is helpful.  
THIS IS MY FIRST STARBUCKS FANFIC AND I AM SO HAPPY**


End file.
